you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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