didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
