Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
