Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the day after is always just damage control
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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