Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The Olympian is in my bed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
