I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
