mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
