I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
