Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
