i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
