I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
