quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
