Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
