I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
