Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
