So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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