Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
