My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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