I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
