just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
