I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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