I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
