honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can I color on your dick again?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
