garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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