WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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