cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
