highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
