i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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