Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
