If i come over, it means nothing
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
