My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
