I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
