Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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