you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My ass is underappreciated
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
