Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
