Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
