hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
