Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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