Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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