Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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