I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
