I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
