I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
