Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
