I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
