and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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