I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The ass gains better be worth it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
