i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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