I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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