How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
