My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
